my thoughts are like this windy day...all over the place

windy...
that's an understatement. today the dust is flying everywhere and the rain clouds are movin' in...a nice day to just stay inside...

my paper is finished...the one i had to write regarding my experience during the immersion. i had three weeks to write it (it's pretty long...46 pages with pictures and graphs), and i know i could've gotten it done awhile ago...but it was difficult to process and reflect. for me it was a little depressing. but in completing the paper i feel a little better about all that took place during my time here. i definitely learned a lot.

now that the paper is finished i can focus on trying to read a book in spanish...yeah we'll see how that goes. i think i can do it, if i make sure my spanish/english dictionary is always with me :). and with this weather the way it is today, maybe i'll actually get some stuff done.

yesterday i visited some of the girls in the bible school that meets here on the same campus. one of the girls had a cold so she was stuck in the room all day. i took the opportunity to introduce her to country music - haha (she couldn't escape :p). she said she liked it, but maybe she was just saying that cuz she couldn't go anywhere else. we even tried to learn how to line dance...but the internet was cutting in and out so that didn't happen. haha I'm slowly but surely bringing the real culture of north america here in this place :).

they have me answering phones in the office this week...hahaha....ok, that can either mean that they think i've advanced in my spanish or they don't think the phone is going to ring very much. either way...i find it hilarious. there really hasn't been very many calls, i think only one official call and then yesterday some students were calling in.

today i get the priviledge of cooking for me and the two guys that just returned today from their immersion in paraguay. if any of you know me at all this is a little out of my comfort zone. i don't consider myself a cook, and often avoid the kitchen. but it seems here that i am being stretched and grown in this area :p. i hope they don't mind spaghetti....


i was feeling a little down this morning, probably because i've spent so much time alone and just need to get out and be active again. i descided to read the psalms. they always seem to help calm my spirit when i'm under a lot of stress. they especially help remind me who is in control. here are some things i'm resting in today:

"Blessed be the Lord, because He has heard the voice of my supplication. The Lord is my strength and my shielf; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him." (Psalm 28:6-7)

"The Lord will give strength to His people; The Lord will bless His people with peace." (Psalm 29:11)

ok...well off to read my book...

rainbows....

Today the wind is picking up, the clouds are turning a deep black, and the smell of rain is in the air. As I sat here eagerly anticipating a rainstorm (which has yet to materialize) a thought came to me. God has given us a beautiful picture of His grace, mercy, and hope in the midst of storms. When the clouds are at their darkest, he often allows a stream of sunshine to break through...and as the rain is still coming down, a rainbow of radiant and glistening colors comes out to bless us with it's beauty. I think this can be directly connected to those storms of our lives. For, in the midst of our dark storms of life, the learning processes of life, the Lord often allows a sliver of sunshine to break through...something that makes for a beautiful rainbow. He doesn't remove the storm, instead He makes it beautiful.

Yesterday I had one such experience. In the midst of the uncertainties with the family I lived with and having to face my mistakes....I spent the afternoon downtown with my friend Sirley laughing and smiling as we communicated in Spanish and English - amazingly being able to talk about family life, culture, spiritual things, our hopes and dreams, fears and failures, etc. with limited vocabulary. The storm clouds have been pretty dark recently, hovering and overwhelming, but the Lord has caused a sliver of sunshine to come out and it glistens and shines on the jewels of my new friendships here that are raining down blessings amidst those terribly dark clouds.

I love God's special little gifts. They never come exactly how I think they should...no, they always come better..and in such a way that only He can get the glory!

I've been living with a couple here at the training center...and the Lord has also blessed me with a deepening friendship with them as well. Just yesterday the husband (who is a chef) made an asado just for the three of us :) ... let's just say that I'm being blessed, not only with the food (which is wonderful), but also with good fellowship and laughter in the house.

In just a couple weeks I get an opportunity to live out a dream :). Okay, maybe it's silly, but I've always dreampt of living in downtown Portland (but you know how expensive that is!) and haven't ever had the ability to do it. Well, now here, I get to live with two girls from my church in an apartment really close to the main plaza in Dowtown Cordoba. It may not seem that amazing to some, but the Lord has just completely blessed my socks off (haha) by giving me this opportunity for my last month here in Argentina! I can't wait :)

I love rainbows :)

stumbling along....

its difficult to put into words how the lord is moving and changing me...often times i feel like i'm walking through sharp thorns and deep dark valleys as i follow him...but then there are days where, if just for a moment, i get a brief breath of fresh air and a fresh hope for what is to come.

after i wrote my post of frustration regarding where my joy was going, i found myself reflecting on some things. one of which is that i really am learning a lot of good things should God call me to this place. yes, it was super challenging to live with the family, and yes it was a huge surprise and a real sad way to end our relationship when they said they couldn't have me in their house anymore....but in all i learned more from that experience than if they'd continued to say things were "just fine".

here are some valuable things i've learned about the culture (thanks to some of my argentine friends who've opened my eyes to these things):

1. when living in an argentine home...don't assume anything...always ask about what is expected of you and where you should go...because they don't say anything (being an indirect culture they won't out right tell you what they want because it's rude).

2. when someone asks you if you want something don't say yes right away. it is polite that you refuse at least three times before saying yes...this also helped me understand that when i offer something and someone says "no" not to just leave it at that but to actually make sure that was their final answer (because often they really mean yes)...complicated no? haha

3. argentine's value the family. the family normally does just about everything together, and everyone is in everyones business. when i was living with my host family the granddaughter had some homework/project that needed to be accomplished...everyone in the family helped her, and not just gave her advice but actually did some of the project for her. it is also not uncommon for a young person to stay at home until they are married (even if they have a career) and many decisions are made together...not necessarily individually.

4. the argentine people are always telling jokes. with the language barrier i don't usually get a lot of them, but when i do i feel a great deal of success :). they are a people who enjoy joking around and laughing, they enjoy fiestas and will make any excuse to have one :).

I'm sure there is more but that's what i can think of right now.

it's challenging to really fully understand the ins and outs of a culture...and i've cried many nights wondering if i'll ever get it ... i've made so many mistakes. all of what i've learned here has come the hard way, but let's just say this...i'll never forget what i learned :). i know it's all valuable...and will be of help wherever i end up working in the future (i'd really like it to be argentina...but the lord knows).

so...i guess what i'm trying to say is that all those dark days, dark valleys, misunderstandings, and confusion that took place (and will probably still happen as i stumble through the process of learning to live in another culture)...God has really blessed me with some deep insights into a place i hardly knew just a few months ago. i pray that though i stumble often that others would come to know him in a new way...and that somehow the lord would be given the glory through my wanderings.

girlfriends....definitely a necessity of life :)

last night i was reminded that we women need each other...a deep need for companionship and someone who understands what it's like to be a girl :)

i had the opportunity to visit my friend Sirley yesterday, she is helping me with my spanish and i am helping her with her english. it's a perfect trade! She and her husband have been great supporters, a real blessing to me when there were times i felt i just couldn't go on. she and i spent hours just chatting, both in english and spanish about girl stuff (you know...boys, dreams, where we are going, our fears, etc.). we laughed a lot and just had fun!

for my birthday (yes...i'm now officially "old" haha...i'm 30!!) a few of my girlfriends from the church put together a party for me! so sweet! i was richly blessed by there generosity...we ate good food, chatted about everything (of course all in spanish ... so a lot of it i listened too ;), and they taught me some fun latin dancing moves :).

after the party i went to one of the girls house to spend the night and we talked for at least an hour and a half about what it's like to be in another culture...and the differences there are in our cultures. we were up until 4am...then at 8am another girl came over and we had breakfast, chatted, made lunch and went out for a little while together....

it's amazing that even with the language barrier we can still connect...God has definitely made us women to be great communicators of friendship, meeting a need in all of us to feel wanted and loved.

thank you Lord for the gift of girlfriends....

L-R: Rohan, Jesi, me, Denise, Ajelyn

Dami and me...yeah I've got purple hair learning to dance :p haha...

am I losing my joy?

I'm generally a pretty happy person, looking at things in the best possible way (you know, the glass half full type person). But recently with the hardships of being here I feel all that slipping away.

Yesterday I just wanted to change my ticket and head home, why? well...let me list my reasons:
1. The family I was staying with no longer wanted me with them (I've never been rejected like this before!!!)
2. I'm "stuck" at the training center where it feels I'm a million miles from what was going so well (at least I thought it was) - the Spanish studies, the bible study, the young people's group, the friends...the ability to explore...etc.
3. I get this feeling like I'm in trouble and have to prove myself all the time...yep I'm thirty years old, I know I should behave a certain way - what is that again? What is a thirty year old supposed to be like?? I feel like such a child here....
4. I miss my family, my indpendence, people who understand me...

blah blah blah blah....

where was the joy and the drive I had in coming here gone? I knew it was go it was going to be hard...why do I feel that things are SO hard?

I've been processing today some things...and one of those is that I'm learning a lot more about myself than I am about the culture...sure I'm learning about the culture, but I'm definitely learning about how I handle (or don't handle) things...and that God is using this time to really deepen my maturity...as humiliating as the process is.

I was reading the book of 1st Peter the other day. I've read it before, but this time it struck me how Peter was calling the faithful believers to authentically live out their lives for Christ....especially in the face of the trials that they were facing. My "trials" are nothing in comparison to theirs, but I was impacted by the words. One of my friends had given me this passage when I needed it a few months ago, and I think I'll share it...if I'm repeating, oh well...it's worth repeating:

As a chosen Priesthood a people set apart for the work of the Lord, Peter reminds us:

"..humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To HIM be dominion forever and ever.
(I Peter 5:6-11)

Often times the deepest times of struggle or pressure come when the Lord wants to teach me something important. This time around, especially with the family not wanting me anymore, is that when overwhelmed, instead of retreating into myself, I need to press through and in the strength of the Lord communicate and act on what I know is right. I also am learning that just because I trip over myself, the Lord has my hand and will never let me fall headlong.

I'm starting to see the sun through the clouds, or the light at the end of the tunnel....and no I'm not losing my joy...joy is more than feeling good all the time...it's finding strength in the Lord in ALL circumstances.

Now to Him Who is able to keep you from stumbling
and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy
to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority,
before all time and now and forever, amen. (Jude 24-25)