am I losing my joy?

I'm generally a pretty happy person, looking at things in the best possible way (you know, the glass half full type person). But recently with the hardships of being here I feel all that slipping away.

Yesterday I just wanted to change my ticket and head home, why? well...let me list my reasons:
1. The family I was staying with no longer wanted me with them (I've never been rejected like this before!!!)
2. I'm "stuck" at the training center where it feels I'm a million miles from what was going so well (at least I thought it was) - the Spanish studies, the bible study, the young people's group, the friends...the ability to explore...etc.
3. I get this feeling like I'm in trouble and have to prove myself all the time...yep I'm thirty years old, I know I should behave a certain way - what is that again? What is a thirty year old supposed to be like?? I feel like such a child here....
4. I miss my family, my indpendence, people who understand me...

blah blah blah blah....

where was the joy and the drive I had in coming here gone? I knew it was go it was going to be hard...why do I feel that things are SO hard?

I've been processing today some things...and one of those is that I'm learning a lot more about myself than I am about the culture...sure I'm learning about the culture, but I'm definitely learning about how I handle (or don't handle) things...and that God is using this time to really deepen my maturity...as humiliating as the process is.

I was reading the book of 1st Peter the other day. I've read it before, but this time it struck me how Peter was calling the faithful believers to authentically live out their lives for Christ....especially in the face of the trials that they were facing. My "trials" are nothing in comparison to theirs, but I was impacted by the words. One of my friends had given me this passage when I needed it a few months ago, and I think I'll share it...if I'm repeating, oh well...it's worth repeating:

As a chosen Priesthood a people set apart for the work of the Lord, Peter reminds us:

"..humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To HIM be dominion forever and ever.
(I Peter 5:6-11)

Often times the deepest times of struggle or pressure come when the Lord wants to teach me something important. This time around, especially with the family not wanting me anymore, is that when overwhelmed, instead of retreating into myself, I need to press through and in the strength of the Lord communicate and act on what I know is right. I also am learning that just because I trip over myself, the Lord has my hand and will never let me fall headlong.

I'm starting to see the sun through the clouds, or the light at the end of the tunnel....and no I'm not losing my joy...joy is more than feeling good all the time...it's finding strength in the Lord in ALL circumstances.

Now to Him Who is able to keep you from stumbling
and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy
to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority,
before all time and now and forever, amen. (Jude 24-25)